You’re not just drafting a quarterback, you’re drafting a controversy too!

Congratulations are in order for Detroit, New York and Tampa Bay. These franchises didn’t just get the 3 least versatile athletes in the first round of the NFL draft. The selections of Matt Stafford, Mark Sanchez, and Josh Freemen aren’t simply unproven players who can only play the most expensive/slowest-developing position with the lowest success rate in pro football. With drafting a quarterback in an early round, in the NFL draft, you also get the built in headache of constant questions about when the rookie is going to “start”. I’m writing this two days after the picks have been made and that question has already been posed to all 3 player and all 3 head coaches multiple times. Of course the current prevailing theory on rookie quarterbacks, according to people who talk about football in the media, is that they need to sit and learn from a veteran. For the record, all 3 teams seem to have veteran starters in place. However, this situation usually only fans the flames of conservatory. If the vet is perseeved to play poorly early, then there is a clamor to get the young guy some “experience”. The “talking heads”/fans, usually start using this argument when the team is losing, which means that most of what the rookie QB will experience is: “what it’s like to suck”. The “learning on the job” approach does stop the “when will he start” questions, but unless he’s the .0001% that’s actually ready that young (Dan Marino/Matt Ryan) or the .01% that’s ready enough to be on a great team (Ben Rothesberger/Joe Flacco) then you run the risk of getting the “bust” talk going. If the vet is successful as the starter, you get the “who’s the QB long-term” questions. You have that question because you have the legitimate problem of who to play, the guy who’s proven you can win with him or the kid you’re paying more money to, in order to sit on the bench? Then you’re being badgered with the question “why did you draft a guy so high when you already had a good quarterback?” Which is a good question, because any weakness your team has, could have probably been helped by a guy you could have drafted instead of the kid you’re paying pro-bowl money to for him to hold a clip-board. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t draft a quarterback in the first round, I’m just saying that this what you should expect when you do

Why even interview NFL Coaches

There is no bigger waste of time than a media interview with a current NFL head coach, because they never say anything! If someone is experienced and intelligent enough to be the top guy at a franchise then he knows better than to give an honest opinion or the blunt truth to a reporter. It’s always the same vague, company-line bullshit. There’s been about 100 live interviews over the last two days at the NFL draft and they’ve been about as informative as a conversation with my asshole. Instead of wasting our time with all this live tele-conference interviews they should just wait to the end of the draft and say: “All NFL coach, have this to say:”:”we really like the players we got, we think they can come in here and help us. I can’t wait to get them in camp so we can really see what we got”. If a Head Coach does actually say anything informative to a member of the media the real news is he is about to be fired, because he is apparently to dumb to be a nfl coach!

Seahawks playing sanchez groupies for fools!

All this talk about Seattle picking Mark Sanchez at the fourth spot in the NFL Draft on Saturday is just one great bluff. The Seahawks are just trying to turn “Sanchez Mania” into more talent for less money than they could get with the Fourth overall selection. Realizing that you just have to give to much guaranteed money to an unproven rookie in the top 5 picks, they’re looking for a way out. They face the same problem that every team in the top 5 has faced the last couple of years, which is no one wants to trade for their pick. I can’t remember a time since 2004 (the year of Eli Manning) that any team has been able to trade a top 5 pick. (I’m not saying there hasn’t been, I’m just saying I can’t remember one, I’m to damn lazy to research it, you’re lucky I took the time to find that pic!) The secret is out, you’ve got just as good of odds drafting a pro bowler with 2 second round picks, as you do with a top 10 selection. Also, you spend around a 8th of the cap room on those two players as you would the top overall rookie. So Seattle was sitting around thinking they were stuck with a high pick like everyone at the top is, until they noticed how much attention Mark Sanchez was getting. There’s all this talk about how 4 or 5 teams think he’s the answer to their quarterback problem. Hoping all this is true, somebody got the brilliant idea to put it out there that they will pick him at 4. If all the chatter is true, some big-market franchise might be willing to send a whole lotta value to Washington state for the USC golden boy. This is all according to a source that spoke on the condition of anonymity, because they were not authorized to discuss it publicly.

by Devious Daryl: Another uninformed idiot with an opinion on sports

 

I’m shocked I made it through a whole blog posting about a guy named Sanchez and I managed to not put “dirty” in front of it once. That’s some real journalism shit right there!

Coincidence or Age-Old Truth?

Okay, so I finally broke down & joined the “dark side”.  To my defense, Biff did it first.

The brief back story. . . Biff & I have both long been haters of the “mac machine” & their proprietary evilness.  It’s gotten worse since they’ve re-emerged as a serious player in the technical world beyond middle schools.  Each time I needed to purchase a new mp3 player, I (avoided the ipod like the plaque &) purchased something that was not outrageously over-priced.  The last one was a Zune, & FWIW, was pretty awesome, still haven’t had the first issue with it.  My only complaint about the Zune is the development speed.  I mean, for a gadget-geek like myself, the Ipod Touch is pretty hard to resist, trust me, I have tried.  I even went as far as being so poor I had absolutely no expendable income for gadgets.

That force of resistance proved to be greater than my willpower.  I’m now on day 10 of Touch ownership.  It is definitely a cool little device, but as I type this up, listening to some Jimi Hendrix, I realized 2 things; first, this is only the 2nd time in the last 10 days that I have actually used it as an mp3 player.  I’ve spent most of my time playing w/ it using the apps or surfing the internet.  Secondly, I realized the earbuds are white. . .

Now, I’m no Ipod connaseiur, so I’m asking have the Ipod earbuds always been white?

If so, why?  Is it just that they wanted to be different and stand out?  After all, most headphones are black.  Is it a racist thing? (Simmer down, that was a joke.) 

Or are they merely trying to appeal to the “age-old truth” that the guys in the “black hat” are the bad guys & the ones in the “white hat” are the good guys?  Before you get your panties in a bunch, I realize that the black hat/white hat “truth” is a Hollywood fabrication, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t think about it, or even believe it.  People actually go to Star Trek conventions (& others similar cons) to participate in things other than making fun of the people going to participate.

What do you think?  Coincidence (or just wanting to be different), or trying to make themselves look less evil in the eyes of people like Biff & myself?

It seems to be working, Biff now owns an Iphone, & I, according to my wife, am a fanboi.  Which I will deny until I buy myself a macbook air.  Even then, I will probably follow Biff’s lead & try to excuse it as something I HAD to get for work.

A Few Thoughts on the Gutting of the Bucaneers

First of all, I know we try not to talk about sports on our show, but when something this shocking happens I feel like I just gotta vent a lil. Actually, it’s not venting, it’s an explanation of what they did & why I think they did it. But, mainly, it wouldn’t fit within the constraints of Twitter’s 140 characters.

So, basically, what they did was cut 5 high dollar players that also happen to be in their 30’s (w/ the exception of Cato June who is 29), but more importantly, they were ALL big contributors to the organization, some as far back as when they were called the Tampa Bay Sucks. The biggest shock came with the inclusion of Derrick Brooks’ name to this list. He has been the face of the franchise for 14 years. I mean, seriously, listen to these accolades. . .

-Voted to the Pro Bowl 11 times, including in 2008.

-One of four players in NFL history to go to four consecutive Pro Bowls, win AP Defensive Player of the Year and to win a Super Bowl.

-100 tackles (or more) for 13 straight seasons (longest active streak in the NFL)

-2,198 career tackles leads all active NFL players and the most in team history.

-He never missed a game in his 14 seasons (that’s 224 consecutive games)

-Started 208 straight games.

. . .And on top of that, he’s a stand-up guy. Throughout his college & pro career, his only misstep has been the “Free Shoes University” incident – almost 2 decades ago.

So, why would they release him? Some might say he’s lost a step or he’s just getting older & can’t do it @ that level anymore. Some might say he is now overpriced for his abilities. Some would even agree, but argue why not renegotiate his contract? To that I do have to say, remember John Lynch? To be fair they did the same to him, so it is kind of a mantra w/ them to just release and move-on. But do they really think they can improve by NOT having these players? Well, the bottomline is, in fact, the bottomline in this case. . . money.

It all boils down to money, but not in the sense that the team is trying to relieve salary-cap pressure, or set themselves up for a big free agent run. I mean, lets be honest, they were ALREADY 40 MILLION DOLLARS under the cap. This mass blow-out puts them another 9 mil down. So, what’s the deal?

*I want to preface this statement, by saying this is more or less a recap of a conversation Devious Daryl & I had when the Bucs fired Gruden, & promoted a defensive coordinator to head coach that had NEVER called a defensive play*

Have you ever heard of the English Premier League? Or, more specifically, Manchester United (otherwise known as MAN U)? Well, as a sports fan, you should. For all intents & purposes, this is the biggest soccer sports team in the world. Imagine if the Yankees played in a league that involved more than just the US & one team in Canada (eh). Yes, bigger than the Yankees juggernaut (I hate the Yankees btw). The Glazer family not only owns the Bucs, but also Manchester United. They bought out every shareholder in the public company, over the course of 2 years – good background info here. In order to buy out the largest, most expensive sports franchise in the FUCKING WORLD!!!!! how much do you think you’ll need? I’m guessing more than that of a few trailer parks. . . lets try

-Begin Dr. Evil voice-
1.5 BILLLLIIIOOOONNN DOOOLLLLAAARRRSSS!!!!!
-End Dr. Evil voice-

Get that? BILLION w/ a B! How does someone go about spending $1.5 billion on a soccer team, you ask? Well, let’s say, for argument’s sake, you can’t afford that kind of money (unbelievable, I know). Let’s say, if you tighten your belt, you can afford to make the INTEREST payments on, oh roughly 1/2 of that. No deal? NO WAY, we gotcha covered. The cool thing about having that much money, in a free-flowing economy (where they’ll lend $300,000 to someone who makes $500 a week) is it’s EASY to get financed for the other 1/2 (which you truly can’t afford). NO PROBLEMO! As long as you IMMEDIATELY refinance so the team (which is an entity all its own) is responsible for paying the 1/2 you can’t afford, & you are only responsible for the half you can squeeze by on. Pretty jewish of him, huh? (no offense – just a pun)

The problem begins, when a bunch of fans revolt & you lose season ticket money. It gets worse when the financial market runs out of crack & realizes they are FUCKED! Now you’ve got banks that are going out of business or at the very least pulling as much advertising as they can just to save money for bonuses. Here’s a lil caveat for American football fans – futball teams sell advertising on their uniforms like rednecks sell them on cars.

What have we here? Oh, a free space, because the bank that USED to advertise on our jerseys & buy luxury boxes are spending what’s left of their money on retreats for the crackheads before they go to jail.

Don’t forget, over here in the US the NFL is tightening their belts also, because these are “uncertain” times. You see where I’m going with this? The Glazers, NOT the Bucs, are getting rid of every expense they can afford to. Do you think John Gruden is going to be able to sit around the house & play golf until his contract runs out? Say what you will about the man (as a coach or a man), but he is passionate about football, & he is passionate about coaching football. He will sign somewhere else & the Glazers will not have to pay for that contract – that’s a pretty safe bet. Now they get this “kid” who I’m sure they got pretty damn cheap. Then they layoff 5 gamers that account for $9 million. That’s gonna go a good amount to paying that interest payment that they need to make for MAN U. You see, they know that they’ve been good enough for long enough to have passionate fans that will stick w/ them through a few bad years, before they have to spend any money. Maybe then, they can sell off MAN U, or the economy will have rebounded enough to make some serious (cash)flow.

Just my thoughts. . . let me know what your opinions are, & please, I think we’ve all heard the Brooks & Dunn joke enough, so lets try to stay away from that – it’s been done.

In case you missed my sports headlines leading up to the superbowl

These were my twitter sport post leading up the super bowl last week:

New@ nfl experience, Pacman’s making it rain at the “scrip-club” obstacle course! bonus for most bitches slapped

New@ nfl experience: paternity suit Slots! Pull lever to “Fire away and pray”. Cause rubbers are for golfers!

SPORTSUPDATE: Farve calls press conference to complain that he hasn’t gotten enough attention in the last half hour

New@NFLexperience:”Legend’s autographs”: hurry while they still remember which name to sign!

New@NFLexperience: Peyton Manning…just n case a commercial breaks out….any commercial

New@NFLexperience: Arena League Football Players!…working the concession stands

New@NFLexperience: Even more ways for the NFL to make money off of you

NFLpresents: “VICK-experience”featuring:”Career toss…away” and “what happens in jail shower, stays in jail shower” game

DEVIANTRADIO-SPORTSBREAK! NFL says economy forces cutting of unnecessary personal. Detroit Lions laid off

Lastof “New@NFLexperience: Play vs. Actual Detroit Lions Players, chances of winning 50-50

World of Warcraft: miniatures game

This is what you display in your house if you feel that a sign reading: “I’ve given up on ever seeing a vagina in person” just doesn’t quite get the point across.

The last “toys of the season” I think

I planned to end this series around Christmas, but I’ve been cruising the clearance isles and I’ve found some more real winners. These are all along the same lines so I’ll include them on one post, but I will give you separate jokes for each. So that makes you the big winner! Let me know which you prefer

Toy Washing Machine: Can be found in the isle marked “Honor your culture by promoting sex-based sterotypes”

 

My first Ironing Board: “Cause you get more money for the child-slaves that are already trained”

 

Another Toy Washing Machine: “Don’t get caught without a back-up plan if the misses escapes the basement”